Transcending Gender

I’m a 59 year old Transwoman. I transitioned 7 years ago. That means I lived 52 years as a male before transitioning. Certainly long enough to speak confidently about it. As a man, I was attractive. I was rarely single for very long and women often hit on me. Ironically it took transitioning for me to see why I was attractive to women. Even though I’ve only lived as a woman for 7 years now I feel comfortable speaking from this newer female perspective.

I’ve dated both men and women and felt attracted to both for different reasons. Interestingly, I dated women when I was a man and now date straight Cis men as a woman. I did also spent some years as a partner in a lesbian relationship. In each role I had a full and complete intimate relationship with my partners.

Through all of it, I have remained “me,” but certainly my consciousness has adapted to my new physical body. It’s as if I have had a second incarnation within one lifetime. I’ve been given the opportunity to witness life, love, relationship and intimacy with 2 different bodies that come with different parts and sensations.

My relationships with my male and female partners were obviously quite different with dramatically changed expectations. No longer am I expected to be the breadwinner or guardian or “winner.” Constantly pursuing and “taking care” of things. I don’t have to lift heavy objects or excel in sports. Now I’m expected to look good, be coifed and polished, know how to braid hair and cook and take care of social obligations. It’s now more important to care for children and others and be more emotional and empathetic. Sexually I play a completely different role too. I don’t initiate as often, nor do I need to “perform.” Things I’d never experienced I was assumed to know by my new male partners. After all, am I not 59 year old woman?? Fortunately my male partners are more than eager to help me learn, and it’s been an incredibly accelerated learning curve. Everything a woman is supposed to know condensed into the last seven years.

I finally feel like I know myself now as a woman. But I haven’t forgotten my life as a man. I remember the joys of being male with the incredible physical power and athletic capacity. The powerful sex drive and confidence that came from being virile and male. Once again, it’s only from my vantage as a woman that I can witness the wonder of that experience. Now I embrace a softer more yielding and flowing energy. More social and nurturing. More listening and not so eager to dominate a conversation or be the authority. I witness my male partner and his need to be admired, supported and loved for all the things I used to effortlessly possess.

My journey across “Trans” gender has allowed me to see gender as moveable. As something experienced by the “me” within. The witness or soul or consciousness within the body. The changing body parts haven’t altered this vehicle’s driver, only given me the opportunity to take the vehicle across boundaries few have traveled.