Tous Les Jours en Femme

Every morning I wake up and examine my wrinkles, my body, my hair. How do I look? Am I attractive. Will men think I’m too old? How long do I have before I’m no longer attractive? I more or less ask the questions any single woman my age might ask when looking in the mirror.

There are so many costly beauty products and treatments available to slow the process and I wonder which I can afford. If I met a long term male partner, would be understand my need to take care of these things and be supportive? How much do I want him to know. Wouldn’t I prefer he just thought I wake up effortlessly beautiful every day?

This is the female dilemma or trap that has become my reality. Working out regularly, dieting, exercise, guilt… but I wouldn’t give it up and go back. No, for all of it, I’m still the person I longed to be for decades. That awareness never goes away. I’m the me that feels consistent on the outside with the person on the inside. That part is priceless and beyond the superficial beauty I struggle with.

So even as I age and my skin sags, my hair grays and men stop looking, I’m still a member of the female tribe. I walk integrated through the rest of my life at peace with myself. It was a profound and arduous journey getting here, but I am okay with all the little daily challenges because it feels so much better than looking in the mirror and saying, “that’s not me.”