It’s a challenge to find happiness when you don’t feel ‘right ‘ about your gender identity. I do encourage you to enjoy your children as much as possible now, because one day they will be grown and gone. When children are older they become less and less dependent and require less of your time and energy. Eventually they want none at all and then you will miss them horribly. But that will be your opportunity to take care of you. Be all the parent you can be now and love your children with all your heart and one day your children will return the favor when it’s finally your turn to be 100% you.