Intimacy with a Straight-Man After Transition

The devil is in the details, as they say.

I feel like this topic needs to be addressed. Imagine being intimate with a straight man after bottom surgery? I happen to have had both top and bottom surgery.

My partner is a straight man who never considered being with a Trans woman until after we met. It’s been a learning experience for us both. One of my biggest concerns initially was, “how different than a cisgender woman am I?” Will he notice? Will he care? Will he be revolted by aspects of my body that are still more masculine?

I’m aware that most women are self-conscious about their bodies. That reality has been brought home in spades as a Trans woman. I think when I had the male role in intimacy, I would always reassure my female partner if she were feeling insecure. I would assure her of how attractive she was. But now, I’m significantly more aware of the necessity of a male partner’s reassurance in this situation.

My insecurity is twofold. Not only do I worry about all the things a cisgender woman worries about, but I have the extra added concern of my Trans body. I’m a whole new species that my partner has never encountered before.

Fortunately, my guy never makes me feel “different” or unattractive. He says and does all the right things and I feel very lucky. It really helps me “get out of my head.” Thinking about potential problems rather than being in the moment and connecting to my body.

Connections that have been rerouted. Connections that never existed before. Ways of experiencing them that I had no way of understanding. It’s a lot. It’s a mind bender. I completely understand how challenged some women are with intimacy. It’s a huge mind/body yoga. It takes a lot of surrender and letting go to get to that narrow spider web strand that is the pathway to pleasure. Any disruption and the silvery shimmering strand snaps cleanly off, leaving you to attempt to weave another.

Or not. Sometimes weaving that strand is too difficult, too intimidating. Why bother? Maybe just fake an orgasm, get your partner off and go to sleep.

But when it’s good, it’s as big as an ocean with a building swell. The waves roll under and over you. They come in long trains of waves. Up, up, up, up… cresting…… BREAKING!! Down…down…down… and on and on. Bigger and bigger until the biggest set of waves arrives to wash and tumble you outside of consciousness. Submerging deep, deeper until your almost gone into the darkness. Then bubbles and foam and light and consciousness again. Is he still here? I have no way to know if I am like a cisgender woman in this experience except through descriptions I’ve heard or read.

I guess it doesn’t really matter as long as we are both good with each other. If my buttons are a half inch higher or lower than a cisgender woman, at least this man knows which ones to press. That’s all I can know for sure.