For me some of these topics lived only in my mind for years. I have been reluctant to acknowledge them even to myself because they fracture our family mythology about how we ‘all survived ‘ so well. Being ostracized after transition caused me to re-examine our story and see it for what it actually is. A feel good tale that allows my older siblings to justify their privileged upbringing and downplay the differences we experienced growing up. In addition the false beatification of my long suffering mother who supposedly survived as long as possible seems less valid when I consider that the mix of pills, cigarettes and alcohol were anything but self sustaining. Her addictions also subjected myself and my closest siblings to a myriad of inappropriate experiences that have been glossed over and never discussed. At this point I don’t buy into the fantasy any longer. If my siblings can’t even call or write, and never ask how I’m doing, why should I bother to enable their self righteous ideas. I don’t bother with that anymore since I have been cast out. I am on my own and that nonsense no longer serves me.