Finding my Post-Transition Style
Probably like a lot of Trans-women, I’ve been style-challenged. I remember very well my first day going back to work post transition realizing that I literally had nothing that I could wear to work. I had been going out to clubs cross-dressing for decades, but remarkably it seems now, I hadn’t considered that club clothes and office wear are two completely separate categories. Well, actually two distinctly different realities. Fortunately I owned my small business, so showing up in four-inch heels and a ridiculously inappropriate skirt wasn’t going to make all the other women think I was angling for a short-cut to the top of the pecking order!
It’s embarrassing to admit now, but it was as if a lightbulb suddenly switched on for me and I began to look around and take in all the subtle nuances of the female workplace dress code. Fortunately I had a close girlfriend to help me navigate this complicated and hazardous maze of steep and confusing paths. It really caused me to ask, “who am I and what do I want my clothes to say about me.” This is beyond obvious to any cisgender woman, but imagine living five decades as a man and then suddenly being thrown into the potential viper pit that is filled with other women’s judgment.
I had a male friend ask me recently why I don’t just let my nipples protrude obviously by wearing either no bra or a bra without enough padding. That simple question really summed up the ignorance of men about how women and the way they dress is invisible to them. Although I consider him a progressive and liberal thinking man, he still thought a woman’s entire reason for choosing their outfit revolved around trying to attract men. And even though I was somewhat surprised by his comment, I didn’t shame him for it because I may have probably thought that myself at one point. I tried to explain that if I dressed that way, it’s very likely that I would alienate most other women I encountered. Some would think me pathetically desperate for a man’s attention, others that I was just tacky and those with a male partner would be irritated every time his eyes wandered anywhere near my chest. Of course, my male friend didn’t get it. I filed that under the same category as many other things men can’t see in a woman’s reality.
So, with the nipples appropriately hidden, how about the rest of me? My close girlfriend was a former punker, so she wore a lot of retro sheath print dresses. She really liked how easy they were. One clothing item with a little lipstick and heels and voila! She looked fantastic! She became my guru, and I tried that for a while, but after some time, I realized it just wasn’t “me.” As a man I was athletic and beachy. I was in the water a lot and my hair and skin were always sun kissed. My friend wore bright make up and that looked great on her fair skin and dark hair, but it just wasn’t right for me. I had been looking around and also my lifestyle had evolved since I first transitioned. Very slowly and predictably, my life became more and more exactly as it had been prior to transition. In other words, I was back on the beach!
My clothes and make up began to reflect my lifestyle. Lots of bright or dramatic makeup doesn’t wear well when you’re in and out of the water a lot so mine evolved to a minimal and simple palette of neutrals that wouldn’t show if they began to run. I found I preferred light lip colors or eye shadow with a little mascara if I wore any at all. My clothes became equally simplified. From my past as an athlete I’m lean and my arms are very toned, so even in office wear I tend to wear sleeveless tops. I wore more fitted slacks and flats then I had before. In short, I became the antithesis of any drag Queen! Don’t get me wrong, I love halter style dresses for going out, but once again my palette tends towards neutrals and I rarely wear much of a heel.
The big lesson I learned is that I want to be comfortable but stylish. I found things that work with my age, body and lifestyle. If men want to be with me, they need to see me and not some blow-up doll that represents a twisted fantasy of a woman. I don’t mean to throw shade at women who really love to be girly and doll themselves up every day, but I have discovered that isn’t me and it’s a good feeling to have arrived at this point and feel very comfortable with my own style.
