Being Loved in Spite of being Transgender

That says it all. I’ve recently been through the gauntlet of evaluation with my boyfriend’s family and friends. It’s not the first time I’ve had to go through this, but I hope it will be the last. When my boyfriend’s family and friends learned that he was dating a Transgender woman, they were horrified. “It’s social suicide!” They warned him. That pronouncement almost ended our budding relationship. We had a tearful evening in which we broke up but within two hours were back together. Thankfully my boyfriend decided to follow his heart and we continue to weather the storm of judgment for his decision to be with me.

Generally speaking it doesn’t come up. I’m fortunate enough to not present as Transgender. I certainly don’t lead with it. I don’t see any need. I don’t introduce myself by saying, “ I’m Genivieve and I’m Transgender,” anymore than one might describe themselves as short or tall as part of an introduction. It’s superfluous and irrelevant. I’m a person. I engage others as an equal, not as some alien species.

That changes however, when they “know” ahead of time. Then it’s almost comical how some people react. It’s as if they’ve been given a license to be inappropriate. “I’ve never met a Transgender before.” I love that one! When “Transgender” is a noun rather than an adjective. I feel like I should be from an undiscovered continent under the sea. “Are you from Atlantis?” The awkward question always requires an awkward response. “Yes well, this is how we are.” Or something equally stupid. That is, assuming I decide to be polite. Usually I mix a subtle bite into my response. “You really need to get out more then. We’re literally taking over!”

Now, I’m not afraid of being seen as Transgender. I’ve been an “out “ advocate for years. I was a board member on a local transgender nonprofit for 5 years. It’s just that now I want to simply be me and be loved for that. Not for being Transgender or in spite of it. Just as others don’t want to be loved in spite of being any other minority.

I don’t want to “represent “ my Transgender community in every outing or gathering. I don’t want people to assume that Transgender women are all tall like me or use their fork a certain way when eating. I’m just Genivieve. I can only do me. Each of us are individuals and we are all people regardless of the labels others might use to separate us. Sometimes labels can be fun. “Oh, you’re from France! parlez vous Frances?” But being judged for being different isn’t quite the same. I look forward to a day when gender identity is no more important or unusual than being blonde or brunette.