Awww, the pain of this! I empathize so deeply.
That was my reality at 40.
I found a way to feel better though. It started with making physical changes that wouldn’t necessarily “out” me.
1) Laser hair removal all over my body. That made a huge difference in feeling happier.
2) Hair replacement. Having a better hairline increased my self esteem.
3) I started a low dosage of HRT. My skin began to smooth and my features softened.
(4) lose weight, exercise and begin practicing a level of self care similar to other women.
By the time I was 50 and my children were grown, I had changed enough to “see” the possibility of transitioning.
It doesn’t have to happen so suddenly and be such a shock to everyone. Each step can bring you a new level of self acceptance you may not have hoped for.
Be kind to yourself and your loved ones. Find a path to being happy as you!